You can be happy and not know it. Listen to Robert Thurman explain how true happiness occurs exactly when we are not even able to think about it. Check out more on Robert Thurman, Professor of Buddhist Studies, Columbia University; President, Tibet House U.S. at: http://bigthink.com/robertthurman
While all of us would like to live more consciously, the reality is that we spend most of our time living, well, somewhat mindlessly. Perhaps, at some point in our lives we made life decisions 9or someone else made them for us) that we’re still acting upon, even though we, or the conditions in and around our lives have changed.
Many of us want to live a more conscious life. Ideally, we’d like to be balanced, aware of ourselves and others, and present in each moment.
And you know what — it is possible – there are ways that can move us closer to a better awareness of those aspects of life that affect our actions, thoughts, contentment and values.
Here are 5:
Seek out opportunities to meet new people with different perspectives, cultural backgrounds or personal experiences who will bring with them the opportunity to be exposed to new ways of thinking and living.
Fostering a sense of gratitude can keep us grounded when it seems like life is trying to sweep us away. While problems are very real, it is important to identify and appreciate the things in your life that are good. Gratitude takes our focus away from just the negative things in our lives, and broadens it to take in the entire picture.
What would a stranger see if they walked into your life? Even if the conditions of your life are seemingly the same for some length of time, you’ve still changed and may discover that you view things differently than when you last took a “first look” around.
No matter what you call it, “taking a moment to myself”, or something else, it suffices. It doesn’t have to take much time — you just need a few minutes of solitude once or twice a day. Meditation and prayer are excellent ways to move yourself toward conscious living, as meditation and prayer are simply themselves affirmations that you are living consciously.
Looking for more ways to live a more conscious life? See HowStuffWorks.com for more.
Look for those self-destructive behaviors in your life and identify actions that may be hurtful or detrimental to others. What sets off your temper and what makes you anxious? And this isn’t just about creating a negative profile. Identify the positive things you do as well. What brings out the best in you? What life-affirming activities do you include in your life? In what ways do you help others or work to make the world a better place?
Determine the patterns of your own behaviors and you just may be able to change them and enable a more mindful life experience.
Full story at HowStuffWorks.com Looking for more ways to live a more conscious life? Take part in the 12 Week Challenge.
By Stanley Popovich
Learning how to manage your out of control anxieties can be extremely difficult. The first thing you need to do is to seek the services of a professional and/or counselor who can teach you how to manage your fears and give you the help that you need. In the meantime, here are some ways to cope with your fears and anxieties.
When you become a manager, is it your IQ, your technical skills and your knowledge of the industry you’re in which is paramount – or your ability to influence, inspire and engage others? Or do they both matter equally?
Generally speaking, we promote people to manager or supervisor because they’re good at what they do. Generally speaking, you don’t get to be finance director without knowing how to count, do a balance sheet and understand how to handle money wisely.
However, do you need those skills more or less as you climb the ladder?
Well, who would you rather have as your finance director?
A moderately good accountant who is great with other people, internally and externally, and who is adept at motivating and engaging whoever he or she meets? Or a brilliant accountant who is inept with clients, difficult with peers and has an unnerving ability to alienate a lot of smart people around him or her?
I trust you said the former!
Getting the best out of people does not require the logic and reasoning of IQ. Getting the best out of people requires another form of intelligence entirely – what psychologists call EQ or emotional intelligence – and we all know emotions are generally anything but logical or rational!
Think of anyone you know who seems to have a knack of getting on with just about everybody. They’re not “pushovers”, they set high standards and have high expectations, and they’re not great friends with everyone, but everyone seems to like and, more importantly, respect, them. Moreover, no matter how tricky the customer, colleague, boss, or situation, they seem to be able to get things done and still engender a culture which feels good to work in. These sorts of managers have a queue of people waiting to work for and with them – they produce results and they get noticed for all the right reasons.
Now we can all get on with people we like, respect and admire – that’s the easy part.
However, getting on with, and getting the best out of people who conjure up negative emotions for us such as frustration, anger or dislike is a whole different ball game; because emotions are messy things! They’re not neat; they don’t fit into logical sequences; and they often don’t respond to the logic of intellectual intelligence.
Study after study shows the greatest managers, ( defined by both the high results they achieve through their people and their reputation as someone great to work with or for) have the highest emotional intelligence.
Most research shows our IQ is relatively fixed. However, the good news is, with a little diligence and practice, we most certainly can increase our emotional intelligence.
Great you say! But how exactly do I do that?
There’s five skills you need to develop to increase your emotional intelligence. I’ll cover the first one here, and keep an eye out for next month’s article where I’ll give you an overview of the others
Emotional intelligence skill 1: Self awareness
Are you aware of the impact you have on those around you?
If I asked you what your staff think of you, would you know? (Some would rather not find out – which perhaps says something about the quality of leadership you’re setting here?)
How do you handle, say, underperformance with someone you like? With someone you struggle with? (And, if there’s a difference – how might that affect the outcome?) Outstanding managers are supremely aware of how they come across to others. Some, (and you’ve probably met a few in your time!) seem to be either oblivious to how others feel about them, or don’t seem to care much.
For example, consider the manager who thinks he or she is being diligent, in following up what his/her staff are doing, but some staff perceive it as micromanaging, breathing down their necks, or not trusting them to get on with the job. Does this affect performance? Almost c ertainly.
Awareness of how our own behaviours, attitudes, beliefs and emotions might be affecting our relationships with others is the first step to improving communication mastery. I call it “turning the mirror on ourselves” – and this skill is, in my view, one of the most important to master.
It requires courage and humility to see ourselves as others see us – particularly when we may be in for a few not so pleasant surprises! However, the willingness to show our staff we know we are not perfect; and we value their opinion, only serves to strengthen rapport with others; not break it. If you show you are open to constructive feedback you gain respect; and just as importantly, you set the foundations for a culture where your people can challenge you constructively – and you can challenge them back! (A great example of the law of reciprocity in action.)
How do you increase emotional intelligence skill number one: your self-awareness?
Here are three simple reflection exercises to get you started.
1. My views on my team Take a blank sheet of paper and note down the name of each person on your team. By the side of their name, quickly write down what you think about:
a) The level of value you think they bring to the team
b) Your opinion of their performance
c) How much you like them
d) Emotions you associate with that person
2. Employee ranking If you were asked to place your staff in order of how much value they bring to the team, how would you rank them, and why? If you were asked to rank them in order according to whom you felt most rapport with, how would that list look?
What do you notice, if anything, about what you have written/thought?
Potential impact on my team Now go back and re-read what you’ve written. What subtle messages might you be sending to the people at the bottom of the list? What impact might that be having on their performance? Whatever you answer, it is likely that the simple process of just taking a step back, to observe and reflect upon your own behaviour and attitudes, will help increase your level of understanding and give you some thoughts about how you might adapt what you do to produce more constructive working relationships and a culture of openness and trust.
Copyright © 2009 Shona Garner
By Andre Auerbach
Every time you perform an activity you’ve done before… every time you think a thought that passed though your time before, you’re strengthening synapses in your brain.
These synapses create a cause-and-effect relationship between the neurons they linked. So that every time one neuron fires, the other will too. These synapses are like a bridge that connects two neurons so that signals between them may pass.
So what has this got to do with your learning and memory?
Well, these synapses are what’s responsible for your them. The more you learn the more synapses you grow and the stronger these synapses are, the better your memory is.
In this article, I will introduce you to three laws of building and strengthening synapses. Master and implement these laws and you’ll no doubt see a marked improvement in not just your learning and memory, but also overall brain function.
1. Law of association. When you learn, you learn through associations, building above what you have known to make sense of the unknown.
For example, when I explained the concept of synapses, I use the terms “relationships” and “bridge”. You’re, of course, familiar with these terms. Thus you use what are already familiar to make sense of the unknown.
Fundamentally, this is how we learn without going through an experience. This is how babies. Contrary to popular belief, we are born with certain skills and knowledge. We know how to cry when we face certain stimulus (such as hunger and discomfort), we know how to move, we know how to recognize faces. These are the basic knowledge that we all have and we build upon as we grow up.
Thus when you learn, it is often far easier to associate what you learn with what you’ve already known. You may have trouble remembering a phone number, but if you associate that number with a date and age, such as 04-08-2012 78 instead of 0408201278, then it is far easier for you to remember that number.
This is because when you remember obscure facts, memory is placed in your short-term memory. Only when intense attention is paid and constant reminder is acquired that it starts to be moved. By associating with current fats, you can almost immediately build off long term memory.
2. Law of repetition. Practice makes perfect. This is true for anything you want to learn and remember. This is because every time you practice, you’re strengthening the synapses between the neurons involved in that activity.
I can remember how clumsy I was when I first typed on a keyboard. Now I could type without looking at the keys. But if I were to change keyboards, again I would have to look at the keys and learn its distance.
This is the law of repetition at work. The good news is, only 2 hours of focused practice is required for you to maintain and remember a skill. In fact, if you spend long hours of practice only to stop later, the skills you’ve picked up at that time will fade as synapses break down.
If you want to remember what you learn, it is better that you take a more habitual approach.
3. Law of attention. Michael Merzenich, one of the world’s leading neuro-plasticity scientists observed through brain scans that neural network responsible for learning only grow when attention is paid onto the stimulus.
This is why multitasking is detrimental to learning. When you multitask, you cannot focus – thus you cannot learn. It amazes me how students attempt to study for exams while listening to music and have their chat browser open.
It is a biological impossibility.
At the same time, multitasking at work yields the same result. When you should be able to learn from an experience that you have, multitasking robs you of that opportunity.
Did you know that multitasking lowers IQ by 10 points (more than what smoking pot would) and increases stress (which in turn makes the brain release chemicals that kills brain cells)?
To learn and remember, all you have to do is focus on the stimulus, for a short period of time. 2 – 3 hours a day is normally sufficient.
By Andre Auerbach
Your every action… your every thought is controlled by your brain. Every time you do something and every time a thought passes through your mind, networks of neurons in your brain fires signals to different parts of your body. These neurons that fires at the same time create what is called “synapses” among each other.
These synapses are something like a relationship to keep these neurons firing together. For example, if every time you hear a bell ringing and food is served, pretty soon the neurons responsible for your hearing create a synapse with the neurons for the sighting of food. Thus the explanation for the Pavlov’s dog phenomenon.
These synapses are responsible for your learning. But it is also how you develop an addiction. Some people assume pornography to be harmless but the truth couldn’t be further. Pornography, as much as people in the industry would deny, is highly addictive. Every time you watch pornography, neurons responsible for perceiving the film/print are linked with neurons for pleasure.
As you repeat a behavior and get the same consequences, these synapses strengthens. Thus practice makes perfect. In the case of pornography, it makes an addiction. As these synapses strengthen, you build tolerance for the stimulus and to get the same amount of pleasure you once had, you need stronger stimulus.
It is through this process that people who are addicted to pornography often destroys their families, their social circle of friends and disappoints people who care for them.
The good news is, when a behavior no longer result in a certain consequences, synapses begin to break down. Thus when a student study for an exam, they often forget what they’ve learned within days after completing the exam – synapses they’ve built over the study period breaks down when they stop revising. In much of the same way, one can kick an addiction when these synapses breaks down or they were replaced by other synapses.
By learning how the brain works, there is now scientific proof that constant short periods of practice (perhaps 2 hours a day for a year) is far more beneficial for an individual for wishes to master a skill than a blitz approach (14 hours a day for 52 days then stop) such as the one most students undertake.
Because your brain requires synapses to learn, it makes sense that experience is often a better teacher than a book. Reading and listening allows the neurons responsible for facts and figures to link with neurons responsible for sight and/or hearing. By experiencing, for example, going to the forest instead of reading the textbook about it, neurons responsible for these facts can associate it with neurons responsible for sight, hearing, touch and smell.
Such broad network of synapses clearly beats the relatively small network of sight and hearing alone. Of course, the more you experience a particular circumstance, the stronger these synapses become. The more experiences you have, the more synapses and neurons you have.
These synapses is crucial in maintaining brain fitness in old age. At a time when synapses and neurons grow relatively slower, stimulation through experiences and learning is more crucial than ever. By preventing these synapses from breaking down, you’re essentially making sure that you avoid the common problems elderly often face: memory loss, inability to balance yourself, inability to learn (old dogs CAN learn new tricks) and even dementia.
In fact, some of the most successful people in history did not achieve their breakthrough till they reach a stage in life when others are urging them to quit. Some of these people include Benjamin Franklin (Inventor of bi-focals), Ray Kroc of McDonald’s, Colonel Sanders of KFC and Frank Lloyd Wright (Designer of Guggenheim Museum). In fact, research by Dr. George Valiant of Harvard involving 824 subjects, following them from their late teens through to old age, have concluded that older people are wiser, more socially adept and develop new skills.
Old age can be an advantage – so as long you’ve paid your dues in taking care of your brain.
“This above all; to thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare
What is integrity?
What does it mean to be in integrity?
If you look up the word “integrity” in the dictionary you will learn that it comes from the Latin word, “integer” which means “whole”. Integrity is an unreduced or unbroken completeness, wholeness, totality, incorruptibility. It is an unimpaired condition and the quality or state of being complete and undivided. Integrity is found in a state of being who you are and, allowing others the same right.
When you are “in integrity” you are in alignment with who you are at your deepest core; your truth. In any area of your life where you struggle your thoughts and actions are out of integrity, you are not behaving in alignment with who you are.
“The voice within is what I’m married to. All marriage is a metaphor for that marriage. My lover is the place inside me where an honest yes and no come from. That’s my true partner. It’s always there. And to tell you yes when my integrity says no is to divorce that partner.” – Byron Katie
To live in alignment, in integrity with who you are you:
Speak what you know to be true even if it may cause conflict. Ask for what you need and want from others. Behave according to your personal values. Make decisions based on what is true for you, not the beliefs of others. When you are in integrity with who you are, life flows seemingly effortlessly. When you are acting in ways that are not in alignment with your truth you don’t feel good. You may be frustrated or upset. You may think less of yourself and beat yourself up over the choices you have made.
“But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” – Albert Camus
You continue to create your experiences through the thoughts, emotions, choices and actions that you take. Be mindful of your daily thoughts. Are they in alignment with who you are? Be mindful of what words come after your sentences beginning with “I am”. As an artist, for example, if you notice that you often say to yourself, “I’m not creative enough”, then you are out of alignment. You are not in integrity with who you are. And it is in this state of being out of alignment that you feel that you are not enough.
I’ll state it again because it is that important: You continue to create your experiences through the thoughts, emotions, choices and actions that you take. If your thought is “I’m not creative enough.” then you will create more experiences of not being creative enough. When you notice a thought that is out of alignment turn it around. Change “I’m not creative enough.” to “I’m a creative person in the process of creating.”. Truth is, you are a creative person – albeit a creative person holding herself back at the moment with a misguided, out of integrity, thought. Be mindful of what you say to yourself and others. Be mindful whether or not those statements are in or out of alignment with who you are. Think and act in integrity with who you are and observe how your life transforms from one of struggle to creative flow.
Every day you make a bajillion choices. Stay in bed for another few minutes or get up and greet the day? Start or continue to work on your project or act upon a distraction? Fries or Salad? Go to the audition or stay home? Promote your work or give up because of ‘the economy’? Plastic or Paper? Yes or No?
Choices require decisions. A state of indecision is a decision. Is there a decision you are about to make that might be in conflict with your integrity? How can you tell if a decision is out of integrity with who you are?
It’s simple, really. Just ask yourself a few questions and you’ll know whether or not the decision you made is in integrity with who you are.
How do I feel about the decision I just made? Do I think more or less of myself having made this decision? Is this decision based upon ‘should’ or ‘supposed to’ beliefs of others? Is this decision in alignment with my greater good? Who will I be having made this decision? “Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, ‘Something is out of tune.” – Carl Jung
If you genuinely care about what you create for your future and want to live in authenticity with who you are you must take responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, decisions, actions and outcomes, which result in your experiences. Honor your soul with choices that are in integrity, in alignment with who you are.
Make sure your words and your actions are congruent. Know what you know. Know that you know what you know. Know that you know what you know what you know. And be true to that knowingness. Your internal wisdom. Your intuition. The Wizard Within.
“Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.” – Don Galer
Pay attention to what you say to yourself and others. Be mindful whether or not those statements are in or out of alignment with who you are. Think and act in integrity with who you are and observe how your life transforms from one of struggle to creative flow.
Copyright © 2009 Valery Satterwhite
Ever want to tell someone to get a grip? Tell them that they have run amok in their minds and are not facing reality? Stop them from completely ‘losing it’ and self-destructing? How often have you told yourself to get a grip only to later serve up more and more justification for your misguided thinking and emotions? Your very own self-sabotage?How do you achieve a centered calm presence when your life experience is flung in scattered directions, randomly, leaving you with anxiety, fear, depression or utter confusion? Or worse yet, your frozen in action; completely stuck. Trapped in the mire of your own monkey mind.
You get a grip on your Inner Critic by letting go of the grip it has over you.
“People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.” ~George Bernard Shaw
You create your experience through the expression of the essence of what you think about, whether it is something you want or something you do not want. Your Inner Critic is often the originator of what you think about. If your focus and attention in upon that which you have and do not want, you will create more of what you do not want. If you allow your thoughts to be occupied with worry then you will create an experience that reflects what you fear.
Your Inner Critic serves up these seemingly automatic thoughts of worry, fear and other anxiety to hold you back and keep you safe. He has you in his grip as if you were a child about to run into the street. He holds onto in fear of your safety for if he were to let go you would surely die. And you live, frozen in place or creating more evidence to support the stronghold the Inner Critic has over you.
To release the Inner Critic grip tell him “You’re not the boss of me!” Reclaim your power. In that powerful you stand centered in the truth of who you are and committed to your passion, your gift that you are here to bring forth into the world. You will remember that there is nothing that you desire that you cannot achieve, and there is nothing that you do not want that you cannot release from your experience.
Recognizing the connection between what you think and feel and what you create for your life experience weakens the fearful grip you hold upon yourself. You can release the grip by taking responsibility for generating the thoughts and feelings that will deliver more of the experiences you desire and less of what you do not want to occur in your life.
What is your dream, your deepest desire?
Speak and act in the direction of that desire. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions you have that run contrary to that desire is the work of your Inner Critic. He in then in control of the decisions and choices you make moving forward. It’s easy to tell if your Inner Critic has a grip on you or not. When you are victim to his power, entrenched in his grip, you do not feel good. It is as simple as that. Uncomfortable feelings are clear indicators that your thoughts are not in alignment with your dreams, your desires. The choices you make based on those thoughts will not result in the experience you want to create. Fear based thoughts will lead to self-sabotage. Without exception.
“Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.” – Robert Orben
Whatever you are paying attention to, whether it be remembering the past, observing the present or thinking about the future, you use to plant the seeds for what you will experience in that future. How you show up in your life is what you create. Do you show up in the clenched fist of your Inner Critic or will you present yourself standing firm in your own power, speaking and action in alignment with the fullest expression of your authenticity, your truth?
Release the Inner Critic grip to free yourself to create from your heart instead of your Inner Critic monkey mind. With this freedom comes expanded possibilities and unlimited potential.
“To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.” – Henry David Thoreau
Copyright © 2009 Valery Satterwhite
We all have a list of our favorite things. It may not be written down anywhere, but you know the things that make you happy. The list holds your favorite foods, music, TV shows, celebrities, West Hills personal trainer and even people in your life that you can’t get enough of. This is the stuff that you really enjoy. It’s the stuff that makes your life worth living.
Somewhere on the list is your health and appearance. You know that looking and feeling great make a good life even better. The interesting thing about your list is that without fail you’ll always make time for it. – When your TV show airs, you watch it or record it to watch later. – When your favorite actor stars in a new movie, you do your part by going to the theatre. – When you’re hungry, you turn to your favorite foods. – When the weekend rolls around, you do everything you can to spend time with the special people in your life.
Yet when it comes to physical exercise you automatically say, “I don’t have time.” Time for TV, but no time for exercise…
We live in an age where life is full. You don’t have extra time anymore.
You no longer have time. You make time. – You make time for your TV show. – You make time for your hobby. – You make time for your friends.
It’s time to drop the charade of “I don’t have time to exercise” and call it what it really is. An excuse.
You know how to make time for your favorite things. You know you want good health. You know you want to look great. You know you want more energy.
Exercise delivers all those benefits—and more. And a West Hills personal trainer can deliver those benefits.
I believe that exercise should belong to your list of favorite things.
Make It A Favorite: How do you turn something that you’ve dreaded into something that you enjoy?
Block the Negative: Your thoughts play a big part in determining your favorite things. Block out any negative thoughts you may have about exercise. Focus your energy on creating a positive attitude that will get you excited about hitting the gym, rather than dreading it.
Focus on the Benefits: With exercise you have so much to gain and nothing to lose. Exercise makes you stronger, sexier, happier, and gives you more energy. Pick the benefit that moves you the most and fixate on it.
Get guidance from Joshua Carter, The Body Transformation Expert: The easiest way to put exercise on your list of favorite things is to experience it at its best. Get onboard with one of my West Hills personal training programs and I’ll show you the most effective and enjoyable techniques that will get you into the best shape of your life. Visit http://www.carterfitness.com/.