Tag Archives: self-sabotage

Small Daily Practices Lead To Big Life Changes

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Here is a story that points out how beginning very small daily practices can create big change in only a little over a week. “Larry” came to work with me because he had suddenly lost his job, and felt overwhelmed, depressed, and lost. He wondered if he should start his own solopreneur business, and was looking for ideas and help. As I scanned his energy, though, I could easily discern that he had more going on than losing his work.

At the age of 42 he still lived with his mother, saying that he did so to help take care of her since she is slightly impaired. When I asked him how he saw that fitting for him, he said “I am waiting for her to die so that I will be free.” He had remained in very low-paying work even though he has accomplished very high results in his work. His dream is to travel the world but he has never owned a passport. Continue reading →

Are You an Underearner?

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One of the main topics business owners want me to coach them on is profitability. For the most part, the kind of people I work with don’t have money as the #1 thing on the list of values. It’s important to them of course, but usually they’re more motivated by personal or spiritual values, like making a positive difference in the world. I’m a person like that myself. But as a business coach, I’m also privy to the inner- dialogue, the self-esteem issues, and the confounding defense systems that cause roadblocks to financial solvency. These deep wounds and doubts can sabotage business profitability far better than a failing economy, a poor job market, or a competitive marketplace ever could. Chronic “underearning,” a habitual pattern of an otherwise healthy, bright person who does not earn enough money to pay for life’s basic necessities, is a type of self-sabotage.

The term “underearning” became popularized by the book, “Earn What You Deserve” by Jerrold Mundis. That book is probably 10 years old by now, but the topic is always relevant, particularly for self-employed people. There’s a bit of a chicken-or-egg quandary when you look at underearning and self-employment. Many underearners unconsciously gravitate towards entrepreneurship because it provides freedom from accountability, therefore allowing an underearner say “no” to success, or “yes” to business activities that don’t make financial sense. But I’ve also seen formerly successful people start their own business and get stuck in a cycle of struggle and poverty that didn’t plague them before. So perhaps an underearning pattern can be developed as a result of starting up a new business as well. It’s so prevalent, that there’s a 12-Step group called Business Owners Debtors Anonymous (BODA) where entrepreneurs who struggle with money gather for support around financial responsibility. There isn’t a BODA national website yet, but if you’re curious you can probably find a meeting through their parent organization Debtor’s Anonymous. Here are 10 Common Traits of Underearners: 1.Chronic pattern of not earning enough to meet your needs. 2.Being close-minded about work that offers financial stability. 3.Avoiding contact with people that want to hire you. 4.Working for trade, deep discounts, or pro-bono, instead of money. 5.Distracting oneself with romantic intrigue to avoid career issues. 6.Changing jobs/careers after startup, but before income begins. 7.Compulsively saying “yes” to work or clients that don’t pay enough. 8.Compulsively saying “no” or being afraid of opportunities that pay well. 9.When money is abundant, compulsively over- spending or creating debt. 10.Having a core belief system that says you are bad, and/or money is bad.

So what do you do if the word, “Underearner,” describes you? Besides taking a look at Mundis’ book, or checking out a BODA or DA meeting, you can start with self-observation. Be careful not to go into self-judgment. Most underearners feel enough shame already. Simply notice how you act when it’s time to make decisions or take actions that might help you earn money. Do you pull back? Get sick? Find some other distraction to throw yourself into, or work harder at the wrong tasks?

The good news is that you have a choice as to whether you continue to underearn, or change the dynamic. Every day, you have a choice. You can make those follow up calls to prospects, or not. You can take work that will pay enough for your bills, or you can try to “get by” a little longer. You can say yes to the right clients, and no to situations that are bad for you. You’re innately powerful, but when underearning shows up in your life, some part of you has lost touch with that power. Increasing profitability isn’t just something that you do. Indeed, there are systems and accountability structures that will help you make more money. But sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs happen when you change what you believe.

Copyright © 2009 Inspiration, Inc


Jaya Schillinger “The Turnaround Queen” at http://www.InspirationInc.com
is a certified life coach & small business consultant with over 20 years of business ownership & management experience in the fields of personal development, health, and beauty.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think – How To Change Misguided Thoughts

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Right now, in this moment, you have everything you think you deserve. You are living the life you believe you are worthy of. Your life experience mirrors your internal self-esteem. If you have an unhealthy low self-esteem you will never enjoy the life you dream of. Even if you achieve success in the accomplishment of a desired goal you will self-sabotage until you are back at a level, a comfort zone, that reflects how you feel about yourself. If you have a healthy high self-esteem you will allow yourself to achieve and enjoy what you want and know you deserve. Even if you experience a dramatic financial loss or traumatic experience you will rebound. You will again create wealth and create newer and better experiences. It’s as simple as that.

Know this: The mere fact that you are here on this Earth indicates that you are worthy whether you believe it or not. Each and every person is blessed with a unique talent, a passionate purpose, and the wisdom to express their full potential. This is your birthright. Wherever you are disconnected with who you are at your deepest core is where you will struggle. Wherever you are out of alignment with your truth and what your heart calls forth for you to become is where you will find dissatisfaction, frustration, and desperation.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” – Henry David Thoreau


All you have to do is spend some time at the check-out lane in your local grocery story and read the headlines on the displayed tabloid magazines to see examples of celebrities who seemingly “have it all” throw it away in a self-destructive act. You shake your head in amused amazement and wonder “What was he thinking?!”

Chances are the inner thoughts of a person who crashes and burns irrationally are something like:

“I don’t deserve all the good stuff that I am experiencing.” “It’s only a matter of time before ‘they’ find out I’m not good/talented/smart enough to have what I have or do what I do.” “This (good stuff) won’t last.”

We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein

Self-destructive behavior doesn’t have to be done on a big scale to be damaging. You self-sabotage when you say NO to who you are, No to what you want to have and do. You toss your opportunities away when you resist what will bring you closer to your aspirations. You limit yourself when you find excuses and reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you ‘can’t’ what you ‘want’.

If you’re a person who realizes that you have had a roller-coaster pattern of self-sabotage you are being run by what I call your own internal Inner Critic who reminds you day in and day out of what you can and cannot do, do and do not deserve. Know, too, that this Inner Critic – the voice of your self-doubt and fear – means well but is woefully misguided. The job of the egoic Inner Critic is to keep you safe, and what will keep you safe is to stay right where you are. You may not like your current circumstance but if it’s what you know, it is safe – and comfortable.

If you’re a person who can’t seem to get out of your own way realize that you are holding yourself back, keeping yourself safe. You’ve bought into the fear and self-doubt served up by your Inner Critic and your unsupportive thoughts and actions are merely attempts to justify your purchase. You’ve invested heavily in time and effort in these erroneous thought patterns and you’re not willing to toss them out into the garbage bin where they belong. You’re not going to buy into a newer, better, belief system.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

The first step in getting and keeping more of the good experiences and less of the bad is to be willing to not believe everything you think. Stop the insanity by examining your experiences and questioning the thoughts behind the errant behavior pattern. If you fall on your butt take a look at how you slipped up. What were you thinking? If the thoughts behind the actions that ended up in a bad experience were based in self-doubt or fear shine some light upon those thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions about the thoughts you’ve let run you:

- Are they true, absolutely? – How do you know? – What evidence do you have to support this truth? – Can you find any evidence to the contrary? – What is holding onto this belief costing you? – What are you getting out of holding onto this belief? – Who would you be, what would you do, what would you have if you did not have this belief?

Instead of focusing upon that which you believe you are not, what you cannot be, do or have, turn your attention to who you are, what you have and what you have done that is positive. You’ll discover that what you have achieved far surpasses what you have not. You’ll realize all the good you have done for yourself and others. Create a new belief, a new perspective about who you are and what you deserve and can experience.

“Many people die with their music still in them.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Boost your self-esteem by honoring yourself and your dream. You deserve your dream, that’s why you have it! Notice when your thoughts, comments and actions take you away from that dream. Mindfully think, speak and act in the direction of what makes your heart sing.

Copyright © 2009 Valery Satterwhite

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Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to express their full potential to get out of their own way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free “Empower the Wizard Within tips”!