Overcoming Obstacles to Success: Increasing Your Possibility Quotient

by Dinyah Rein

693590_inside_the_flower_3 “I can’t do that.” “That will never happen.” “It’s just not possible, or at least, it’s certainly not likely.” “It would be way too hard.”

How often do you give up on a dream, or a desire, or an idea, deciding it’s not possible before you even try? When was the last time you truly broke the mold and stepped into a whole new reality?

Let Yourself Dream

Close your eyes for a minute, and ask yourself, “What would I love to be, do or have in my life?” What’s there when you look? Can you allow yourself to dream? Is there a career you’d rather be in? Would you love to travel? Would you rather live in a different location, maybe a different climate? Do you wish you had more time for some of the things you love to do?

For most children, the sky is the limit. Anything is possible. Just ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and you’ll hear all the big dreams an unlimited self can dream. So what happened? Why is it that by the time you reached adulthood that space of possibility is gone, and the window on what’s possible shows such a narrow sliver?

The Power of What You Tell Yourself

Your sense of what’s possible, what could happen in your life, operates much like a thermostat. Decisions and life experiences as you were growing up helped to set that thermostat. Just like the thermostat in your home that helps maintain your temperature, you have a system within you that regulates what you can see as possible, what appears to be within your reach in life. Your self-talk is a part of that system. It helps to maintain the status quo, or homeostasis in the level or type of success you experience, and expect.

When you tell yourself something, like, “I can’t do that,” you are literally programming your subconscious mind. The subconscious is a kind of supercomputer, with tremendous capabilities, but no decision-making power, no ability to make what we think of as choices. So when you tell your subconscious, “I can’t do that,” it doesn’t argue, it doesn’t interpret, it just makes sure that you can’t – it literally does what you program in.

Choice is the responsibility of your conscious mind. Your conscious mind can break out of the programming, and want something new, something different. Your conscious mind can dream up new possibilities. Unfortunately, your conscious mind is not nearly as powerful as your subconscious. The subconscious is the supercomputer. It runs all the physical systems of your body. It’s the part that learned to drive, and can do it without any conscious attention from you.

Your conscious mind has a much smaller role. It thinks, plans, dreams, chooses. It can only focus on one thing at a time, while your subconscious can handle literally thousands of simultaneous functions.

Your conscious mind is only in charge about 5-10% of the time, according to the scientists. This is why changing a habitual behavior can be such a struggle. You can decide to do something new or different, but then the conscious mind goes on to other things, and the subconscious takes over. Your subconscious runs programs that were previously installed. It doesn’t pay much attention to a one-time new command. That new command is overridden by the tried and true programs already in operation.

Reset Your Possibility “Thermostat”

So how do you change your set point for possibility? How do you allow yourself to dream, and how can you open and allow your dreams to flourish, take life, and become your reality?

One essential key is to change your self-talk. Stop reinforcing the old computer programming. Start to become aware of the self-limiting self-talk, and each time you notice, change it. Here are some suggestions:

“I can’t” -> “I could”

“It’s not possible” -> “I wonder how”

“It’s too hard” -> “How could I”

“I have to” -> “I could choose to….., or I could…”

Another key is to breath some life into what you truly want, into your dreams, by creating goals and revisiting them daily. Look out into your future, and allow yourself to envision how you want your life to be – in 6 months, a year, 5 years. Write it. Picture it in your mind. Feel how you will feel when it’s reality.

To reprogram your subconscious mind, you need to imprint new habits, and erase or write over the old ones. Consciously altering your self-talk as much as you can (whenever you notice) and consciously focusing on a future of your choosing are two keys to this process.

The best time to start this process? Right now! What are you telling yourself about these suggestions? How about, “I can do this! I’m starting right now! This will make a big difference for me!”

Good luck with it! Let me know how it goes.

Dinyah Rein has been coaching people to win at their personal and life goals for more than 25 years. Learn how to succeed with your personal goals, download her free audio now at http://www.coachdinyah.com.

Using Your Energy to Create Success

Your intentions, your expectations and your thoughts create your life. It’s the same for everybody – whether you’re stuck in a boring routine life or super-successful – the only difference between both ends of that particular spectrum is that highly successful people know how to use their mental energy.

Everything is made up of energy – you, your body, the chair you’re sitting on, the air you breathe, the trees, this planet, the universe. Your thoughts are energy and they have a measurable impact on all the energy that synthesizes together to create your life. Continue reading

The Fine Art of Effective Communication

1168744_orchid_series_5On many of my workshops, I quote a piece of well known research into the effectiveness and impact of communication. The effect on those with whom we communicate is dictated by body language, tone of voice and our words. Body language accounts for an enormous 56% of the overall effect, tone of voice accounts for another 36% and the actual words we use only account for 8%.

I also discuss acclaimed communicators, like Jack Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Barak Obama and, unfortunately, Adolf Hitler. The effect they have or had on their audiences has been enormous, in some cases mesmeric and historically defining. These guys didn’t communicate by email or Twitter – sure Obama uses modern technology to deliver information – but the delivery of information and real and effective communication are two completely different things.

When I work with senior business people, often CEOs, they are concerned to ensure that they get their communication right – communication of key information, corporate vision, the next major sales campaign. As a result, what do we have in large organisations? Email, multiple emails (to cover the email writer’s ass!), Blackberries, intranets, forums – a long list of technology-aided dissemination of information. In the process, communication never actually takes place effectively, if at all.

When I work with personal clients, I often touch on personal communications problems – husbands and wives who no longer communicate – sports coaches who haven’t the first idea on how to effectively develop their charges’ talents , because very often sports people are highly visual and the coach doesn’t appreciate the fact.

Regardless of which aspect of modern life you look at, we’re all fooling ourselves into believing that we’re more effective communicators than ever. People text each other rather than talk. Twitter users are obsessed with getting more followers – quantity matters, quality does not. Same with LinkedIn – when I send a personal message to a contact, I invariably get a reply which, at first sight, seems personal but, in fact, is automatic and generic. Send someone your information and you automatically get their sales pitch back – everyone’s emailing, no one’s communicating. Friends “chat” on Facebook – but don’t actually chat anymore. I admit to being a Twitter user – and saw a wonderful “tweet” a couple of weeks back. The writer suggested that Twitter and Facebook should merge and be called TwitFace because so many idiots waste so much time and energy “communicating”, while no one’s really listening.

But – and here’s a big but – if you want to be successful and happy, professionally and personally, you can’t get by without being an impressive, real, communicator. To be an effective and impressive communicator, you need to both be present and have presence. First of all, at the very least, stop texting and emailing and pick up the ‘phone! Best of all, create time to actually, physically, be with those whom you wish to impress – that’s about the only way that they’ll be able to appreciate your body language. If you do that, of course, you open up a whole new can of worms. People start worrying about their body language – “experts” teach them how to use effective body language, which invariably comes across as false! If you have presence, however, body language looks after itself. What do I mean by that?

Truly great communicators have presence and, as a result, they are impressive. Presence simply means that they are more present in the moment than the average normal person. Research proves that normal people are never really present, only paying perhaps as little as 1% attention to the present moment. If you want to have presence, all you need to do is be more present – to do that, all you need to do is be more attentive to the here and now. That means that you give yourself space and time to notice and appreciate the present moment. If you develop presence, by your very presence you will become impressive – an inspirational communicator – one whose attentiveness to the moment and to those with whom you are present will simply enable your body language and tone of voice to be effortlessly effective.

We develop presence through calming our mind and re-developing our innate ability to pay attention to the here and now. This can be done through something as structured and formal as daily meditation (highly recommended by the way!) or by simply creating space and time for, for example, going for a stroll to appreciate what you see, feel, hear, smell and taste. If you deliberately set time aside to regularly practice your attentiveness, then you will have the necessary presence when the critical moment demands it. Then, you will be an exponent of the fine art of real and effective communication.


Copyright © 2009 Willie Horton; Willie’s work in the area of self-improvement and meditation has been described as “life-changing” and “phenomenal” by clients from every walk of life. His acclaimed two-day personal development workshop is now available online at Gurdy.Net

Normal People Are Lazy

1080823_spiderAs a once senior banker, I know all about inertia. Studies from various parts of the world show that the majority of bank customers are unhappy with the levels of service they receive. In addition, many bank customers are aware that, at various times in their “relationship” with their bank, they have been inappropriately treated or overcharged. However, when it comes to current or checking accounts, the rate of customer movement between banks is tiny in comparison to the amount of customer dissatisfaction – they’re simply not dissatisfied enough to bother to make the change and, as a result, they decide to simply put up with their dissatisfaction. The phenomenon is called inertia.

I’ve now been working with clients in the area of so-called personal development for nearly fourteen years. Almost all those with whom I work experience immediate positive benefits – in their personal, business and financial lives. For some, the change is so dramatic that they commit to maintaining a clear and present state of mind on an ongoing basis (as that’s the only state of mind in which you can be at your most effective, efficient and, most importantly, alert to the next opportunity). For many, however, they drift in and out of commitment – they revert to their normal state of mind (a word about that in a moment) and only mentally pull themselves together when things start going wrong – as, in every life, they inevitably do from time to time.

The big problem is, however, that their normal state of mind – your normal state of mind for that matter – resembles something not far short of technical insanity. Consider the decades of research that prove that the normal adult is incapable of paying attention, that the normal adult rarely experiences meeting new people during the course of their adult lives (sure, we all meet lots of new people regularly, but the research indicates that we pigeon-hole them within four minutes and never actually experience the new person we’ve just met) and that the normal adult’s subconscious mind, through automatically paying attention to internal programs and conditioning, controls the normal adult – not the other way around. If that’s not a definition of insanity – that we’re not in control of our own minds – perhaps someone would correct me!

What’s the point of all this? Well, for starters, if your subconscious mind (which is predisposed to being negative and is constantly subconsciously focused on old programming from our formative years) is controlling your life, you’re really not living at all – you’re existing from day-to-day in a mundane repetitive life. Isn’t that how most normal people feel about their lives – assuming they ever stop to think about it)? More importantly, psychology proves that your ability to be happy and successful is directly linked to your ability to pay attention – to the here and now. But, we’ve already said that normal adults are incapable of paying attention – no wonder normal people’s lives are, generally speaking “not too bad”.

Unfortunately, for most people, “not too bad” is rarely bad enough! Which brings me back to the phenomenon of inertia. Normal people are not too uncomfortable to do anything concrete or lasting about developing their innate ability to pay attention to the here and now (I say “innate” because we were all “attention experts” when we were two- or three-years old). Even when they do – and they experience what many of my clients have described as “life-changing” results – they generally suffer from the same malaise as the average banking customer – they’re too lazy to make the change. This is not an idle observation on my part – this is the conclusion of research that I’ve done with a large group of my own clients over the course of six years – they’re the ones that actually admit to suffering from inertia. In actual fact, they’re the ones who say, quite simply “We’re too lazy”!

But how is the change or commitment required too great? If I told you that a ten minute routine each morning would change the rest of your day – in fact, would change the rest of your life – would you think that’s too big a commitment? If I explained to you that all you have to do is spend those ten minutes each day developing your clarity and presence of mind to the extent that it would affect your ability to pay attention throughout the day, would you say “Oh that’s simply too big a commitment?” Everybody I’ve worked with has, at the outset, agreed that that’s no great commitment at all – especially when you compare it to the rewards.

But, normal people are lazy – they generally commit to the same New Year resolutions every year – they join gyms for an average of only six weeks and most only work out twice (not twice a week – twice, full stop!). Normal people constantly torture themselves dieting only to regain most, all or more than the weight they lost. Normal people rarely break the mould – they rarely jump out of their inertia to enable them live abnormally successful and happy lives.

And, yet, I will repeat – ten minutes a day, re-learning how to pay attention, developing a clear, present and focused mind, will enable you create and live the happiness and success that normal people only ever dream of. Would you be interested in being abnormal?


Copyright © 2009 Willie Horton; Willie’s work in the area of self-improvement and meditation has been described as “life-changing” and “phenomenal” by clients from every walk of life. His acclaimed two-day personal development workshop is now available online at Gurdy.Net