by Dinyah Rein
“I can’t do that.” “That will never happen.” “It’s just not possible, or at least, it’s certainly not likely.” “It would be way too hard.”
How often do you give up on a dream, or a desire, or an idea, deciding it’s not possible before you even try? When was the last time you truly broke the mold and stepped into a whole new reality?
Let Yourself Dream
Close your eyes for a minute, and ask yourself, “What would I love to be, do or have in my life?” What’s there when you look? Can you allow yourself to dream? Is there a career you’d rather be in? Would you love to travel? Would you rather live in a different location, maybe a different climate? Do you wish you had more time for some of the things you love to do?
For most children, the sky is the limit. Anything is possible. Just ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and you’ll hear all the big dreams an unlimited self can dream. So what happened? Why is it that by the time you reached adulthood that space of possibility is gone, and the window on what’s possible shows such a narrow sliver?
The Power of What You Tell Yourself
Your sense of what’s possible, what could happen in your life, operates much like a thermostat. Decisions and life experiences as you were growing up helped to set that thermostat. Just like the thermostat in your home that helps maintain your temperature, you have a system within you that regulates what you can see as possible, what appears to be within your reach in life. Your self-talk is a part of that system. It helps to maintain the status quo, or homeostasis in the level or type of success you experience, and expect.
When you tell yourself something, like, “I can’t do that,” you are literally programming your subconscious mind. The subconscious is a kind of supercomputer, with tremendous capabilities, but no decision-making power, no ability to make what we think of as choices. So when you tell your subconscious, “I can’t do that,” it doesn’t argue, it doesn’t interpret, it just makes sure that you can’t – it literally does what you program in.
Choice is the responsibility of your conscious mind. Your conscious mind can break out of the programming, and want something new, something different. Your conscious mind can dream up new possibilities. Unfortunately, your conscious mind is not nearly as powerful as your subconscious. The subconscious is the supercomputer. It runs all the physical systems of your body. It’s the part that learned to drive, and can do it without any conscious attention from you.
Your conscious mind has a much smaller role. It thinks, plans, dreams, chooses. It can only focus on one thing at a time, while your subconscious can handle literally thousands of simultaneous functions.
Your conscious mind is only in charge about 5-10% of the time, according to the scientists. This is why changing a habitual behavior can be such a struggle. You can decide to do something new or different, but then the conscious mind goes on to other things, and the subconscious takes over. Your subconscious runs programs that were previously installed. It doesn’t pay much attention to a one-time new command. That new command is overridden by the tried and true programs already in operation.
Reset Your Possibility “Thermostat”
So how do you change your set point for possibility? How do you allow yourself to dream, and how can you open and allow your dreams to flourish, take life, and become your reality?
One essential key is to change your self-talk. Stop reinforcing the old computer programming. Start to become aware of the self-limiting self-talk, and each time you notice, change it. Here are some suggestions:
“I can’t” -> “I could”
“It’s not possible” -> “I wonder how”
“It’s too hard” -> “How could I”
“I have to” -> “I could choose to….., or I could…”
Another key is to breath some life into what you truly want, into your dreams, by creating goals and revisiting them daily. Look out into your future, and allow yourself to envision how you want your life to be – in 6 months, a year, 5 years. Write it. Picture it in your mind. Feel how you will feel when it’s reality.
To reprogram your subconscious mind, you need to imprint new habits, and erase or write over the old ones. Consciously altering your self-talk as much as you can (whenever you notice) and consciously focusing on a future of your choosing are two keys to this process.
The best time to start this process? Right now! What are you telling yourself about these suggestions? How about, “I can do this! I’m starting right now! This will make a big difference for me!”
Good luck with it! Let me know how it goes.
I was raised in a family where communication circled around but never went directly to the source. If my mother wanted to know something about my brother, she’d ask my sister; if she wanted to know something about my sister, she’d come to me, and so on. Judging from the frequency in which I see this evasive communication style in business and elsewhere, I assume that I was not the only one raised in this manner.
I’ve been kicking this term “dieting motivation” around my brain for awhile now. I’ve got to be honest (as I strive to annoyingly remain!), every time this phrase comes to mind, I sortof cringe and shrivel up inside. “Dieting Motivation” invokes thoughts of denial, suffering, and heartbreak.