Tag Archives: encouragement

What Do You Love About Yourself?

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Paula Gregorowicz, The Paula G Company, helps women cultivate the confidence they need to uplevel their life and business and succeed on their own terms.

Can you answer that question quickly and with a nice long list? If you can’t you’re not alone. So many people really struggle with this question. If I asked you the question “What do you dislike about yourself?” Would the answers flow freely and make a long list? If so, again, you have lots of company.

What got me thinking about this topic again was our monthly full moon gathering. We each were asked to bring to the circle a list of 2-3 things we love about ourselves and 1-2 qualities we would really like to focus on shifting for the better (aka things we don’t like as much or wish we were better at). When we met, we each got to share and talk about our list and light a candle to hold these intentions.

Once again I got to experience firsthand the power of watching wonderful people struggle so much to acknowledge things they love about themselves while quickly jumping right to the “don’t like/need to improve” list. I have seen it so many times — as a participant and assistant at Debbie Ford’s Shadow Process, in my clients, my friends, and definitely myself.

What fascinates me is how when one person speaks in the group and struggles with finding qualities she loves about herself, the others present can so quickly name those qualities. “You are compassionate! You are a passionate woman! You are so giving and charitable! You are creative and talented! You are loving!” The positive qualities just flow effortlessly from the group. Yet, the minute the question gets turned back on us, we freeze like deer in the headlights, mutter a bit, turn our gaze downward, and say “um, hmmm, I don’t know”. Almost as if saying “Well, I don’t really have any positive qualities that I acknowledge myself for or that I like or that I think matter enough.”

What’s up with that!? And I have to say while this time I was able to quickly say that I love my sense of humor, compassion, and ability to love, if someone asked me to claim some other positive qualities that I don’t see or embrace in myself (but easily see in others), I’d shy right away.

In my training as an Integrative Coach I learned a lot about what we call light shadows — those positive aspects of ourselves that we don’t notice or don’t fully embrace. One of the biggest clues to finding out what some of your light shadows are is to do the following exercise:

On a piece of paper write down the names of 3 people you admire. They can be famous people, friends, family, whomever (and they don’t even have to still be living). Now list what qualities about them that you admire. Qualities are things such as courage, authenticity, compassion, etc. Not “they have lots of money”. That’s an external thing that has nothing to do with WHO you (or they) are. Now you might say something like “keen businessperson” and that would qualify as a quality because it is about WHO that person is. Stop reading and do the list right now.

Now — do you see all those qualities? Those are qualities you already have and possess that you need to embrace in yourself. Now, maybe those qualities aren’t activated as much in you (yet) as they are in this other person, but you possess them and the first step toward making them flourish more in your life is to honor, acknowledge, and embrace the fact that they are a part of you.

You see, if we think “we’re not that” we deny who we really are and what gifts we have to offer the world. And, we all have unique gifts the world desperately needs that only we can deliver. Don’t shortchange yourself, those you love, and the world at large.

Embracing our light is a huge piece in becoming our own best friend and living powerfully in the world at our highest potential. So, start right where you are today and start embracing just one thing you love about yourself. And, if you need a little encouragement, find a supportive friend or community to help you do it.

Copyright © 2009 Paula Gregorowicz

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There’s Real Power Behind This Century-Old Cliche – Don’t Overlook It!

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By Brendan McKeogh

The term “Use it or Lose it” sounds trite today. But there is real power in those few words – if you look below the surface. The phrase was first used in “Pushing to the Front”, published in 1894.

First, this book reassures of nature’s almost unlimited capacity to provide for our needs. The writer then goes on encourage us to consciously choose what we want our life’s work to be. He points out the vast resources we have at our disposal to achieve our aims. (Of course, we have so much more today than anyone enjoyed back in 1894!) We are then warned converting these resources into the results we desire will take real effort. Even after we have made some headway, we cannot expect the momentum to be maintained without some ongoing energy – nothing, the author reminds us, remains static. Let me share a passage from Pushing to the Front with you:

“Everything in nature is on the move, either one way or the other. It is either going up or down. It is either advancing or retrograding; we cannot hold without using. Nature withdraws muscle or brain if we do not use them. She withdraws skill the moment we stop drilling efficiently, the moment we stop using our power. The force is withdrawn when we cease exercising it. Nature is liberal with us if we utilize what she gives us, but if we stop using it, if we do not transform what she gives us into power, if we do not do some building somewhere, if we do not transform the material which she gives us into force and utilize that force, we not only find the supply cut off, but we find that we are growing weaker, less efficient.


A college graduate is often surprised years after he leaves the college to find that about all he has to show for his education is his diploma. The power, the efficiency which he gained there, has been lost because he has not been using them. He thought at the time that everything was still fresh in his mind after his examination that this knowledge would remain with him, but it has been slipping away from him every minute since he stopped using it, and only that has remained and increased which he has used; the rest has evaporated. A great many college graduates ten years afterwards find that they have but very little left to show for their four years’ course, because they have not utilized their knowledge. They have become weaklings without knowing it. They constantly say to themselves, “I have a college education, I must have some ability, I must amount to something in the world.” But the college diploma has no more power to hold the knowledge you have gained in college than a piece of tissue paper over a gas jet can hold the gas in the pipe. Everything which you do not use is constantly slipping away from you. Use it or lose it. The secret of power is use. Ability will not remain with us, force will evaporate the moment we cease to do something with it.”

Again, in the author’s own words “The tools for self-improvement are at your hand, use them.” and “Progress may seem slow at first, but perseverance assures success.”

Over a century after the words, “use it or lose it” were first published, the saying is as true as ever. This key to success should serve as both an encouragement and a warning to anyone attempting to build a better future for themselves.


Claim your free copy of the “Marden’s Keys to Success” mini email course and download a complimentary chapter from Brendan McKeogh’s latest book at http://www.MardensKeysToSuccess.com – the website based on Orison Swett Marden’s philosophy where you can read a biography of Dr Marden and pages devoted to other “Masters of Success”.