Generally speaking, we promote people to manager or supervisor because they’re good at what they do. Generally speaking, you don’t get to be finance director without knowing how to count, do a balance sheet and understand how to handle money wisely.

However, do you need those skills more or less as you climb the ladder?
Well, who would you rather have as your finance director?

A moderately good accountant who is great with other people, internally and externally, and who is adept at motivating and engaging whoever he or she meets? Or a brilliant accountant who is inept with clients, difficult with peers and has an unnerving ability to alienate a lot of smart people around him or her?

I trust you said the former!

Getting the best out of people does not require the logic and reasoning of IQ. Getting the best out of people requires another form of intelligence entirely – what psychologists call EQ or emotional intelligence – and we all know emotions are generally anything but logical or rational!

Think of anyone you know who seems to have a knack of getting on with just about everybody. They’re not “pushovers”, they set high standards and have high expectations, and they’re not great friends with everyone, but everyone seems to like and, more importantly, respect, them. Moreover, no matter how tricky the customer, colleague, boss, or situation, they seem to be able to get things done and still engender a culture which feels good to work in. These sorts of managers have a queue of people waiting to work for and with them – they produce results and they get noticed for all the right reasons.

Now we can all get on with people we like, respect and admire – that’s the easy part.

However, getting on with, and getting the best out of people who conjure up negative emotions for us such as frustration, anger or dislike is a whole different ball game; because emotions are messy things! They’re not neat; they don’t fit into logical sequences; and they often don’t respond to the logic of intellectual intelligence.

Study after study shows the greatest managers, ( defined by both the high results they achieve through their people and their reputation as someone great to work with or for) have the highest emotional intelligence.

Most research shows our IQ is relatively fixed. However, the good news is, with a little diligence and practice, we most certainly can increase our emotional intelligence.

Great you say! But how exactly do I do that?

There’s five skills you need to develop to increase your emotional intelligence. I’ll cover the first one here, and keep an eye out for next month’s article where I’ll give you an overview of the others

Emotional intelligence skill 1: Self awareness

Are you aware of the impact you have on those around you?

If I asked you what your staff think of you, would you know? (Some would rather not find out – which perhaps says something about the quality of leadership you’re setting here?)

How do you handle, say, underperformance with someone you like? With someone you struggle with? (And, if there’s a difference – how might that affect the outcome?) Outstanding managers are supremely aware of how they come across to others. Some, (and you’ve probably met a few in your time!) seem to be either oblivious to how others feel about them, or don’t seem to care much.

For example, consider the manager who thinks he or she is being diligent, in following up what his/her staff are doing, but some staff perceive it as micromanaging, breathing down their necks, or not trusting them to get on with the job. Does this affect performance? Almost c ertainly.

Awareness of how our own behaviours, attitudes, beliefs and emotions might be affecting our relationships with others is the first step to improving communication mastery. I call it “turning the mirror on ourselves” – and this skill is, in my view, one of the most important to master.
It requires courage and humility to see ourselves as others see us – particularly when we may be in for a few not so pleasant surprises! However, the willingness to show our staff we know we are not perfect; and we value their opinion, only serves to strengthen rapport with others; not break it. If you show you are open to constructive feedback you gain respect; and just as importantly, you set the foundations for a culture where your people can challenge you constructively – and you can challenge them back! (A great example of the law of reciprocity in action.)

How do you increase emotional intelligence skill number one: your self-awareness?

Here are three simple reflection exercises to get you started.

1. My views on my team Take a blank sheet of paper and note down the name of each person on your team. By the side of their name, quickly write down what you think about:

a) The level of value you think they bring to the team

b) Your opinion of their performance

c) How much you like them

d) Emotions you associate with that person

2. Employee ranking If you were asked to place your staff in order of how much value they bring to the team, how would you rank them, and why? If you were asked to rank them in order according to whom you felt most rapport with, how would that list look?

What do you notice, if anything, about what you have written/thought?

Potential impact on my team Now go back and re-read what you’ve written. What subtle messages might you be sending to the people at the bottom of the list? What impact might that be having on their performance? Whatever you answer, it is likely that the simple process of just taking a step back, to observe and reflect upon your own behaviour and attitudes, will help increase your level of understanding and give you some thoughts about how you might adapt what you do to produce more constructive working relationships and a culture of openness and trust.

Copyright © 2009 Shona Garner

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You might think of Self-Awareness as setting the stage for your life. For that reason, it as an essential starting place from which you build the other important aspects of your life.

There are three areas in the Self-Awareness domain of Emotional Intelligence:

- Emotional Self-Awareness.

- Accurate Self-Assessment.

- Self-Confidence.

Emotional Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize your emotions and their effects. It has been said that there is no thinking without feeling and vice versa. Although we all have blind spots where we do not recognize our feelings, the more aware we are of what we are experiencing, the more learning is possible.

Emotions activate and chemically stimulate the brain. They are a critical source of information for learning and memory. Individuals who are high in emotional awareness:

- Know what they are feeling and why.

- Understand the connection between their feelings and what they think, say and do.

- Know how their feelings directly affect performance.

- Are aware of their values and goals.

Accurate Self-Assessment is the ability to know your inner resources, abilities and limits. We can have blind spots about our strengths and limitations, especially during times of stress when we tend to go on “automatic pilot.” Blind spots, among other things, can cause us to:

- Set unrealistic goals.

- Push others too hard.

- Need to seem perfect.

Individuals who are high in accurate self-assessment:

- Are aware of strengths and limitations.

- Learn more from experience.

- Are reflective and have a sense of humor.

- Are open to constructive feedback and self-development.

Self-Confidence is the ability to have a sense of your self-worth and accurately know your strengths. When self-confidence is appropriately high, you believe in what you can do with the skills you have. Anxiety levels tend to be low. Individuals who are self-confident:

- Welcome difficult assignments and challenges.

- Are self-assured.

- Can voice unpopular views.

- Are decisive and resilient.

Emotional intelligence is learned through experience, reflection and modeling over time. Time must be set aside with someone you trust and respect that will allow you to experiment with and practice new behaviors, thoughts and feelings to the point of mastery. The environment needs to be supportive, emotionally engaging and offer time for practice.

If you are interested in increasing your Self-Awareness, the following steps are necessary:

1. Believe self-improvement is important.

2. Know who you want to be.

3. Know your strengths and limitations as well as your values.

4. Seek out feedback – how you are perceived by others to determine the gap between who you want to be and who you are presently.

5. Work with a supportive, encouraging person you trust (a coach is ideal) who can guide and hold you accountable as you experiment with new thoughts, feelings and behavior in order to build on your strengths.

6. Practice these new behaviors over time until your ideal self is realized.

Increasing the three areas of Self-Awareness is worth the effort. It establishes the foundation upon which to build relationships and handle the challenges in your personal and professional life.

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