Tag Archives: change the situation

Improving 1:1 Communication

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By Emma Wortt

998486_sexy_girlsThe person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour has the most influence on any interaction. – NLP presupposition.

As the boss concentrating on reaching your department’s goals it can be easy to fall into the trap of focusing on how other people need to change in order to reach those goals.

Is there someone with whom you need to communicate regularly but who always leaves you thinking you just haven’t got through or made a difference? They just don’t seem to understand; their body language and attitude are all wrong; they try to appease you by saying yes and no in the right places but then fail to take action or change the situation. Or perhaps they argue with you; or back off and go quiet; or blame someone else. And the same thing happens every time. It’s a pattern.

Throughout these exchanges you’re thinking:

* He’s got to change

* Why isn’t she listening to me?

* Why doesn’t he ever seem to understand?

* Her attitude is really getting through to me

* Why can’t he see the big picture I’m describing?

* Why doesn’t she take action about this situation?

If you identify with this scenario and you are now waiting for me to tell you how to change other people, I’m afraid you’re in for a disappointment.

What I’m actually going to do is get you to look at your own contribution to this pattern.


Ask yourself:

* In what ways do I react every time with this person?

* How does the interaction start?

* Then what happens?

* Then what happens?

Continue asking this last question until you have worked out the complete pattern that occurs when you try to communicate with this individual.

Work out and recognise the parts you are playing which contribute towards and maintain the pattern.

Then ask yourself:

* How could I break this pattern?

* What could I do differently?

* If I put myself in their position for a moment, what is causing their reaction?

* What is the best way to approach this person to change the reaction I normally get from them?

* How does this person need me to react in order for them to behave differently?

The quote at the top of this article is worth repeating. It can be a very powerful idea if you take it on board:

‘The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour has the most influence on any interaction.’

© Emma Wortt of Em-powering Executives, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Em-powering Executives help leaders and their teams to achieve excellence through executive coaching and training. To receive similar articles direct to your inbox, you can subscribe to the FREE monthly Em-powering Executives newsletter at http://www.em-poweringexecutives.co.uk

What to Do in a Crisis?

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“The man who does things makes mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all – doing nothing.” Benjamin Franklin.

Last week we took the first 3 steps towards resolving a very tricky situation. They were:

1. Identify – How to identify whether or not you are in crisis at work.

2. Accept, Face, Decide – If you are in crisis how to accept that fact, face it and decide to do something about it.

3. Set the Main Goal – Deciding precisely what you want instead of the current situation, checking it is the right goal and exactly when you want to achieve it.

This month we are going to cover the final 4 steps so that you can really begin to move forward, change the situation you are in and reach the one you want to be in.

Step 4 – Set the First Journey Goal

If you were going to take one step, right now, towards the main goal you set last time, what would that step be? What is the first mini-goal which when achieved will have started you on the journey and moved you one step closer?

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about an action point here, I’m talking about a mini or journey goal (which will require a series of actions to achieve it). Let’s say that your main goal is to achieve promotion to a particular post. The first mini-goal may be to improve relations with a particular influential colleague or improve the results of one of your teams (remember goals must be specific so ‘improve’ is not sufficient. You would need to state exactly what changes you want). This would then require several actions to achieve.

Put a deadline on the first mini goal. By when are you going to achieve it?

Step 5 – Work out your options

Now what action could you take in order to achieve the journey goal?

What else?

What else?

Allow your subconscious to come up with whatever ideas it likes. It doesn’t matter if they seem outrageous or impossible, just accept them and note them down.

Would finding yourself a mentor be a good step? What about talking to a trusted friend or colleague who could help you move forward? Perhaps signing up with a coach that you trust and can work with is the answer.

Keep asking ‘What else?’ until you are sure you have everything covered. And then ask once more.

Step 6 – Commit to your action plan

When you have a full list of options read it through and notice which actions leap out at you. Choose the actions you are going to take to achieve the mini goal and discard the others for the time being.

Make a fresh list containing the actions you intend to take.

It is vital to commit yourself to taking these actions so give each one a precise deadline. Write the date next to each one.

Ask yourself what could stop you taking each of these actions and how you could manoeuvre around those obstacles.

How committed are you to taking these actions? Answer on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is not at all and 10 is nothing will stop me.

If your answer is 7 or less you are not sufficiently committed. Go back to your goal and mini goal and re-assess them. Tweak them until you can get to this point with an answer of 8 or more.

Step 7 – Maintaining Momentum

Once you’ve achieved the first mini goal, you can use the same process to create and reach the second step and so on.

Each mini goal you reach is one step closer to that main goal.

If you find yourself losing focus, panicking or getting anxious re- read this quote from R.I. Fitzhenry – ‘Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don’t let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.’

Now allow yourself to be creative and flexible and change the way things are to way you need them to be.

© Emma Wortt of Em-powering Executives, 2008. All Rights Reserved. Em-powering Executives help leaders and their teams to achieve excellence through executive coaching and training. To receive similar articles direct to your inbox, you can subscribe to the FREE monthly Em-powering Executives newsletter at http://www.em-poweringexecutives.co.uk

Accept the Crisis

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‘Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.’ Benjamin Disraeli

I have developed 7 steps to enable you first to determine whether you are in crisis at work and then to give you a kick-start to taking the actions necessary to change the situation.

Step 1 – Identify

Answer these 7 questions quickly and without thinking about the answers too much:

Do you constantly feel stressed or anxious at work?

At the end of the day do you often think ‘I have added little or no value today. I have made little or no difference.’?

Is there always too much to do and no time to do it?

Do you think you are unworthy for or unlikely to get a promotion?

Do you think your boss does not respect or value you?

Does it feel as though you have little or no support at work?

Do you think often of resigning or of losing your job?

If you answered yes to 5 or more questions, then you are in crisis.

Step 2 – Accept, Face, Decide

Now that you’ve realised it the next step is to accept it and face it. Until you do nothing will change. Ask yourself these questions:

Do I accept now that I am in crisis at work?

Am I now willing to face the fact that I am in crisis at work?

Now you have a decision to make:

Are you going to take control and do whatever it takes to change the situation and yourself (because undoubtedly changes are required in both)?

Or are you going to stay as you are and allow things to take their own course without your influence and regardless of your wishes?

Congratulations! You have just taken the first couple of steps towards changing the situation. They were difficult and even scary steps I know. So take a moment to pat yourself on the back and give yourself the positive feedback that you have started the journey towards where you want to be.

Now let’s start working on getting you from the situation you are in to the one you want to be in.

Step 3 – Set the Main Goal

We need to start with a very clear idea of what you want.

Pick a time frame for when you want to have resolved everything successfully. Is it 1 month? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? Or something else? Make sure the deadline seems right for you, that you believe it is possible at the same time as giving yourself a slight stretch. Work out the exact date and write it down.

Now what is your goal for that day? You need to come up with a sentence that is phrased positively, is specific and is measurable. Imagine yourself on that day. Think about what you want to see, hear and feel. Again ensure that you believe it is possible at the same time as giving yourself a slight stretch. Write the goal down next to the date.

It is vital to be truly honest with yourself when setting your goal. You would be amazed at the number of my clients who say they want one thing, set that as a goal and start moving towards it when in their heart of hearts they truly want something completely different!

Once more imagine yourself on the day your goal is achieved. What are you seeing? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? Take a few moments to completely immerse yourself in that vision of the future. And then ask:

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is not at all and 10 is completely and utterly, how much do I truly want to reach this goal?

If something isn’t quite right or you realise that goal really isn’t what you’re after, then re-visit the goal and tweak or re-write it until you can answer the above question with a minimum score of 8.

If that goal seems like the summit of a mountain right now, relax. We’re not going to try to fly straight to the top.

In Part 2 of this article  we will take the next 4 steps to break the journey up into manageable bite sized pieces and start to move you forward.

© Emma Wortt of Em-powering Executives, 2008. All Rights Reserved. Em-powering Executives help leaders and their teams to achieve excellence through executive coaching and training. To receive similar articles direct to your inbox, you can subscribe to the FREE monthly Em-powering Executives newsletter at http://www.em-poweringexecutives.co.uk