Tag Archives: anxiety

How to Get A Grip on Your Inner Critic

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1129472_abstractEver want to tell someone to get a grip? Tell them that they have run amok in their minds and are not facing reality? Stop them from completely ‘losing it’ and self-destructing? How often have you told yourself to get a grip only to later serve up more and more justification for your misguided thinking and emotions? Your very own self-sabotage?

How do you achieve a centered calm presence when your life experience is flung in scattered directions, randomly, leaving you with anxiety, fear, depression or utter confusion? Or worse yet, your frozen in action; completely stuck. Trapped in the mire of your own monkey mind.


You get a grip on your Inner Critic by letting go of the grip it has over you.
“People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.” ~George Bernard Shaw

You create your experience through the expression of the essence of what you think about, whether it is something you want or something you do not want. Your Inner Critic is often the originator of what you think about. If your focus and attention in upon that which you have and do not want, you will create more of what you do not want. If you allow your thoughts to be occupied with worry then you will create an experience that reflects what you fear.

Your Inner Critic serves up these seemingly automatic thoughts of worry, fear and other anxiety to hold you back and keep you safe. He has you in his grip as if you were a child about to run into the street. He holds onto in fear of your safety for if he were to let go you would surely die. And you live, frozen in place or creating more evidence to support the stronghold the Inner Critic has over you.

To release the Inner Critic grip tell him “You’re not the boss of me!” Reclaim your power. In that powerful you stand centered in the truth of who you are and committed to your passion, your gift that you are here to bring forth into the world. You will remember that there is nothing that you desire that you cannot achieve, and there is nothing that you do not want that you cannot release from your experience.

Recognizing the connection between what you think and feel and what you create for your life experience weakens the fearful grip you hold upon yourself. You can release the grip by taking responsibility for generating the thoughts and feelings that will deliver more of the experiences you desire and less of what you do not want to occur in your life.

What is your dream, your deepest desire?

Speak and act in the direction of that desire. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions you have that run contrary to that desire is the work of your Inner Critic. He in then in control of the decisions and choices you make moving forward. It’s easy to tell if your Inner Critic has a grip on you or not. When you are victim to his power, entrenched in his grip, you do not feel good. It is as simple as that. Uncomfortable feelings are clear indicators that your thoughts are not in alignment with your dreams, your desires. The choices you make based on those thoughts will not result in the experience you want to create. Fear based thoughts will lead to self-sabotage. Without exception.

“Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.” – Robert Orben

Whatever you are paying attention to, whether it be remembering the past, observing the present or thinking about the future, you use to plant the seeds for what you will experience in that future. How you show up in your life is what you create. Do you show up in the clenched fist of your Inner Critic or will you present yourself standing firm in your own power, speaking and action in alignment with the fullest expression of your authenticity, your truth?

Release the Inner Critic grip to free yourself to create from your heart instead of your Inner Critic monkey mind. With this freedom comes expanded possibilities and unlimited potential.

“To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.” – Henry David Thoreau

Copyright © 2009 Valery Satterwhite

Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way to overcome the struggles that come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively & profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize & express your full creative potential http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How to Drop Your Creative Resistance

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521436_slippersThe simple truth is creativity functions best when you let go of resistance to the creative flow. Resistance comes in many forms. Anxiety over a creative block is a form of resistance. Finding Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) for why you cannot or aren’t whatever enough to come up with the vision or the energy to create is another face of resistance. Worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills or how the critics will view your work is nothing but resistance. Resistance is saying NO! to YOU. It is saying NO to what your heart is calling you to be, do and experience.

Let go of your resistance. Trust. Trust that you can, are ‘enough’, will be able to keep a roof over your head and handle criticism of any kind. Just drop the baggage of resistance that you’ve been carrying around with you that makes you too exhausted to get your creative juices flowing. Even if you give yourself permission to let go for only 1 day, just drop it! Drop out of the vicious cycle of artist block and stunted creativity.

“Drop out” suggested an elective, selective, graceful process of detachment from involuntary or unconscious commitments. It meant self-reliance, a discovery of one’s singularity, a commitment to mobility, choice, and change. Unhappily my explanations of this sequence of personal development were often misinterpreted to mean ‘Get stoned and abandon all constructive activity.’” -Timothy Leary

When you drop your creative resistance you change your structured path of least resistance. Your current path is mired with fear and self-doubt. When you drop your fear and self-doubt you create a new path; a path that is clear, free from the quagmire of restraints and limitations to your creative flow. You are open to new vision.

“It is the function of art to renew our perception. What we are familiar with we cease to see. The writer shakes up the familiar scene, and, as if by magic, we see a new meaning in it.” – Anais Nin

It is very easy to drop your creative resistance. Just be willing. Take a deep breath and begin. It doesn’t matter how you begin; just do anything. If you’re a painter pick up your brush or knife and choose a color. Put some paint on a canvas and let go. If you’re an actor, audition for a role that you think is impossible to win. If you’re a writer, write a romantic comedy if your work is largely science fiction. Do something out of your ordinary, out of your comfort zone, and be willing to fall flat on your butt.

“Every man, through fear, mugs his aspirations a dozen times a day.” ~Brendan Francis

If you do create a stink bomb, have a good chuckle over the experience and notice that the fall didn’t kill you like you feared it would. In fact, you learned a thing or two about yourself and how you can improve your work. It is in the lessons learned from new experiences that your vision of what’s possible for you expands. And laughter will give you distance. Laughter lets you to step back from an event, learn from it and then move onto bigger and better experiences.

Drop the resistant Inner Critic monkey-mind chatter filled with doubt and anxiety. Chuckle and hum a little tune..”I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…”

“The creative act is not hanging on, but yielding to a new creative movement. Awe is what moves us forward.” – Joseph Campbell

Copyright © 2009 Valery Satterwhite

Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Emotional Competence

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1080093_yellow_flower_against_yellow_backgroundEmotional Competence is a learnable competence. My domestic violence mentor, Tony Kubicki, long ago taught me that awareness gives me choice, and that awareness is the key component to emotional competence.

Personally, I like emotions, all of them. Anxiety, fear, sadness, melancholy, nostalgia, joy, excitement, contentment, desire, and all the other subtle nuances of the root emotions of mad, sad, glad, fear, and I add in shame, are what gives life its ‘juice’ as far as I am concerned and I want to feel them all, and I have come to understand there are some very important components to managing the intensity of those feelings.

Remember, awareness gives me choice over intensity.

If you are a student of Czikszentmihalyi’s work on FLOW, then you will remember that he says our Central Nervous System processes sensory input; sound waves, photons for vision, pressure for touch, smell, taste, at the rate of seven bits of data every 1/18th second, which is about twice as fast as you can blink your eyes. Pretty quick.

And then you will be creating thoughts or words which interpret those sensations darn near as fast, and those thoughts will be what brings your feelings, and those feelings will be linked to hormonal and neurotransmitter changes in your brain and body, so you might go from joy at level 10 intensity to anger at a level 10 intensity (10 point scale) which is a 20 point switch from one pole of emotion to another in 1/18th second based on changing thoughts. Not much time to manage your emotions, right?

The good news is that you have done this hundreds of thousands of times, the bad news is that when you do not switch thoughts or ‘break the chain” of negative thoughts, your behaviors will be pushed by intense feelings which are demanding an expression.

If you are a guy, and find yourself experiencing this kind of intensity, give yourself 20 minutes minimum to clear the neurotransmitters and stress hormones from your body.

So emotional competence demands an awareness of your inner experience so that you can change thoughts or breathing patterns, even brain wave patterns, or heart rate variability, for example, and change the intensity of your emotions. That is emotional intelligence to me.

I liken it to how you drive your car. As you drive, you are constantly adjusting the position of the vehicle on the road, its speed, ect. with minor adjustments according to constantly changing traffic variables.

Those minor adjustments are what keep you safe on almost all your automotive adventures, whether its from the inconsiderate road hog, or the trucker needing to make a wide right turn, and that mindful attention is what keeps you prepared to respond to a sudden emergency.

I want to drive my body the same way, with mindful awareness, so that I can make quick decisions about emotions and their intensity and the thoughts I might have about those inner experiences. Paul Ekman and Facial Expressions I have been fascinated by non-verbal communication since I was a kid, and was truely delighted to come across the work of Paul Ekman, who has been studying facial expressions and attempting to catalog or categorize them for a long time.

Some of his work has been across cultures, and he has discovered that humans respond very strongly to some expressions across cultures. In other words, if a person from another culture looks at me with an expression of contempt, I will respond emotionally just as fast as if my own kids had looked at me with “that look.”

So another factor for us to be aware of is facial expressions and our response to them. Ekman says that facial expressions can play across our face in 1/25th second, so fast that I do not register it like I normally would register an expression.

For me, it is just another reason to pay close attention to my insides, my emotions will tell me something about what another individual is experiencing, and I will get a chance to dispute any thought I have of my being the cause of that individuals feelings.

My favorite tool for regulating my inner experience is heart rate variability biofeedback, which is an easily learned method for controlling the time between my heart beats. I like it because it feels good, and once I have learned it, in 5-10 practices using a program on my PC or the hand held version, I can cue the pleasant feeling on demand. I can even begin to change my inner thermostat so that I am cooler all the time.

Heart rate variability biofeedback is based on research about the heart’s own nervous system, and the ability of that brain in the heart to learn and make decisions independently of my cranial brain.

It turns out that the heart plays a key role in emotional regulation, mostly in the affiliative and cooperative range. So if I am operating from my heart intelligence, I am typically cooperative and affiliative, offering choice in conversation, playful, and able to make quick changes in my inner experience, even if the other person is sending me messages about anger and aggression. I call that mindfulness.

Other very important tools for me in my emotional competance tool box are deep breathing, frequent internal expressions of gratitude, because I could be in some other persons shoes, physical exercise, decent nutrition, lots of affirmational thoughts, and study.

Technology is making new information about the human experience available almost by the second it seems, and I want to keep up with it.

Besides heart rate variability coherence, which was unknown not too many years ago,brand new information is available about something called brain fitness, and there are some great tools available for us to use which makes our brains more plastic, which means they can rewire in minutes, based on what we are paying attention to. Brain fitness tools then make the brain flexible, especially when that brain is nourished well, meaning get all the omega 3 fatty acid you need, among other things. (Makes your neurons supple and soft, very good).

Brain fitness means encouraging the growth of neurogenesis also, which is the growth of new brain cells, which migrate to the hippocampus where memories are stored.

A healthy brain will be a valuable ally in the inner attention work involved in emotional competence.

Michael S. Logan is a brain fitness expert, a counselor, a student of Chi Gong, and licensed one on one HeartMath provider. I enjoy the spiritual, the mythological, and psychological, and I am a late life father to Shane, 10, and Hannah Marie, 4, whose brains are so amazing. http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com

Public Speaking: Practical Tips to Get Started and Develop Self Confidence

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1182945_leaf_textureThe rewards of being a confident speaker are great. You will be recognised as being of leader material. You can achieve more through 5 minutes of effective speaking than 5 years of grind. A few well chosen words on the subject under discussion will receive favourable attention and command respect.

Getting started in any field of endeavour is often the most difficult part. The tips given here outline an approach to getting started in public speaking that have proved successful in developing self confidence in speaking either in public or in conversation.

Your First Appearance

Your first appearance in public need only brief. No more than a few words is all that is required, e.g. stating your name and occupation. If you are tempted to fidget or wring your hands, clasp your hands behind your back.

You can still be a hit with your audience by acknowledging the fact that you are new to public speaking. Just avoid using the clichéd “unaccustomed as I am to public speaking.” Instead say something like “This is my first appearance before an audience and I am very nervous. My name is …… and my business is ………, and some day I hope to tell you more. Then sit down.

Practice Fields

To find somewhere to practice will require a little initiative. When practicing swimming you will need to find a swimming pool and when practicing public speaking you need to find a meeting. Fortunately there are thousands of meetings held every day that will give an ambitious speaker ample opportunity to be heard. Also there are two organisations that are great places to help you to become more confident speaker. They are Toastmasters International and the Dale Carnegie Institute.

Persistence

A little and often is the key to building confidence and improving your performance. A brief speech delivered often is more effective than a longer speech given infrequently. More than any other human activity confident speaking is learned by doing and improved by practice.

Preparation

Thorough preparation is of key importance. Self confidence will develop as a result of full preparation for your speech. With a full understanding of your topic you will radiate confidence.

Overcoming Stage Fright

Unfortunately there is no silver bullet to over the normal human anxiety of nervousness before speaking. There are techniques that can help with this such as – positive mental attitude, visualising success and deep breathing etc. In the end it comes down to exercising a little courage to make the decision to start and then stepping out and doing it. Your first appearance will open a bud of confidence that with proper care and attention, you can flower into being an effective confident speaker.

It is worth noting when making your initial appearances in public – that a part time speaker that knowing their subject fully and having something worthwhile to communicate can outshine the seasoned professional from the audience’s viewpoint.

It is normal for people to be anxious before they speak. By persevering, practicing and preparing thoroughly the huge rewards of public speaking can gained, especially self confidence and recognition.

Edward Hope is the editor and publisher of the recently published resource “The Art of Great Conversation“. To claim your free preview visit http://www.SelfConfidentSpeaking.com

Photo: Agata Urbaniak