One on my favorite stress management exercises is to ask my counseling and anger management clients to imagine themselves getting up from a really good nights sleep, and to note how refreshed they feel as they pull the covers off, and move their body toward the next right thing to do.

We go through finding a number of descriptive words to describe how they are feeling and the hormonal bath they have going on, and the words that come up are refreshed, relaxed, comfortable, ect.

Then I ask them to imagine themselves as the pivot their body out from under the covers but before their feet touch the floor while still refreshed, to imagine having a large unpaid bill to deal with, and I ask them to again tell me what they feel, as they switch the thought from relaxing, refreshing sleep, to unpaid bill.

Most of those same clients report that the feeling switches to anxiety immediately, and they can go from relaxed to stressed out anxiety at the speed of a thought.

Then I ask them to imagine back to just waking up refreshed, and I ask them what happened to the stress feeling related to the unpaid bill and to a person, clients report that the stress is gone or greatly reduced.

That simple exercise illustrates two key components of stress management exercises, the speed at which my body works to prepare itself for a problem solving effort, or an actual emergency, and how thoughts impact physiology.

Paul Ekman,Ph.D. in his work on cataloging facial expressions reports that across cultures humans respond to a look of contempt with a powerful hormonal stew featuring hormones like adrenalin and cortisol in 1/25th second, which is about 2 and 1/2 times faster than I can blink my eyes, and that is without an interpretive thought.

So my stress management exercises must teach me to monitor the inside of my body frequently, so my powerful hormonal stews do not drive a behavior before I make a decision.

I like to call that process ‘awareness gives me choice’.

The next part of the stress management exercise that I mentioned above is to recognize the impact of thoughts on feelings.

My thought as I wake up is about how refreshed I am and the feeling state following that thought is quite comfortable, which changes to a quite uncomfortable feeling state when I switch my thought to the unpaid bill.

So to change my feeling back to a comfortable feeling means changing the thought, changing my breathing, or utilizing a technology like Heartmath, which is a biofeedback tool which teaches me to manage the time between heart beats.

Stress management tools, up until the discovery of the heart’s own nervous system, have always been about breathing and mindfulness, and they are effective, just not as effective as fast as Heartmath, or heart rate variability biofeedback.

I discovered heart rate variability biofeedback in an EEB Biofeedback listserve about 11 years ago, and determined to learn more about it. (EEG biofeedback works at a speed of HZ or cycles per second. If Heartmath could come close to that speed, what a powerful tool to have available).

I bought it and learned it in about 3 hours, or six 1/2 hour sessions. I have used it with clients since and have had only one client take more than 10 sessions to learn it.

Heart rate variability biofeedback actually combines the thinking and breathing technologies with computerized feedback, which allows you to manage the time between heart beats within a heart beat.

The new field of neurocardiology has determined that the heart has a brain of its own which learns and makes decisions independently of any other brain I have, and I can invoke that coherence on any given heart beat should I so chose.

With a tool like heart rate variability biofeedback, stress management exercises become proactive rather than reactive.

In other words, I can practice the easily learned heart rate variability biofeedback process anytime I want, perhaps every five minutes, for two whole heartbeats, to cue a very pleasant feeling good physiology which has some real impact on my brain, opening up the higher perceptual centers for high level brainstorming.

I think this physiology is akin to what Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi wrote about in his book called FLOW in 1993.

His book said to me that if we can determine the components of flow, then we can duplicate it on demand, and life flows.

Well, heart rate variability biofeedback gives me a quick and powerful tool to use on any given heart beat to relax my body and open my brain.

(It does not pay any bills, just changes my physiology.)

So now my stress management exercises involve regular thinking and breathing practices, which take as little time as two heart beats (I can feel it!)to change my inner physiology to coherence, and my body gets used to that, and does not tolerate unnecessary stress for long before reminding me to cue my coherence.

I am literally managing my happiness/stress/distress/eustress/eustasis very frequently in short bursts, which takes into account the human orienting response.

Since the discovery of the heart’s own brain, the entire neuroscientific community has had its dogma overturned by the discovery of two capacities of the human brain, called neurogenesis and neuroplasticity.

Both capacities can be enhanced by attending to what are generally being called the ‘pillars of brain fitness’, or physical exercise, nutrition, including lots of omega 3 fatty acid, sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences.

Neurogenesis is the term used to describe the growth of new neurons every day. However those new neurons do not survive prolonged exposure to stress hormones, which gives added importance to using stress management exercises to maximize the growth of new neurons, which migrate to the memory centers of your brain, making neurogenesis something I want to enhance.

The authors of Brainfit for Life describe this process in great detail.

So my stress management exercises and brain fitness combine with my personal and professional life very easily. Isn’t that having your cake and eating it too?

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A little background is needed here.

Panic and anxiety are very much the same. Not exactly, however, and they definitely vary in intensity.

Anxiety is a condition of apprehension caused by being afraid of a threat, imagined or real.

It is one of our most common emotions. It seems that everybody goes through it at different levels, over different things, and at different times in their life.

That’s anxiety. It’s fear. That’s pretty straightforward.

This whole thing is wrapped up in fear. It’s about fear and it’s caused by fear.

And fear is the “key” to this problem. To cure panic attacks it is necessary to get rid of the fear of the attacks returning.

It’s easy to learn not to fear panic attacks. I’ll bet you are glad to hear that.

Toward the end of my six year sojourn through the dark valley of anxiety and panic attacks I came up with a method that enabled me to shed my fear of the attacks.

I’ll never forget that day. What I did amounted to a subtle “shift” in my thinking in regards to panic attacks.

It kind of went this way (it’s been 30 years). I realized that I had been suffering through these attacks now for six years! Six long years.

I also recognized the fact that, although I had gone through hundreds of these attacks, I hadn’t been harmed, at least not physically, that I could see.

When I combined that fact with the regret that so much time and energy had been wasted, the net result, for me, intellectually, and in my gut, was that my fear of the attacks was replaced with anger.

Right then and there, in the absence of fear of these attacks I could feel their pull on me release and I knew they would never be back. That was thirty years ago and they have not returned.

I’m NOT recommending that you have to do it this way. The way I did it was created for me, by myself, through my experiences, over a six year period, and, I feel like I got lucky.

Still, I learned one thing I will never forget, and that one thing is the solution.

Once again, if you want to know how to cure panic attacks, the solution is to get rid of the fear of those attacks.

All you have to do is know how to do and then just do it.

Fortunately there are programs available that will show you exactly how to do it for yourself.

You can have your life back.

Copyright © 2009 Riley West

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A lack of skill, ability and experience in certain business areas need not be a barrier to success and starting your own business. The personal qualities exerted by a small business owner overcoming deficiencies over and over again are vital and present in many entrepreneurs much more so that specific technical knowledge.

Not everyone is a master of all business attributes in fact very few are. Certainly being a master of all is a fantastic position but unrealistic while certain personal qualities are essential to fight the inevitable battles to come. Business battles the successful entrepreneur wins.

Businesses that have grown and become medium sized and bigger are not reliant on the business owner entirely. Employees are engaged with specialist skills and abilities to develop and grow the business. A sole trader just starting out has to settle for a comfortable living or have the ability to grow the business to the point where more specialist abilities can be added to the business.

Most small business owners who start a new business do so in an area where that small business owner has some knowledge, experience and skill. It is a natural progression having acquired the business knowledge and experience to use those abilities to build the business under self employment rules rather than earn profits for an employer.

The personal qualities a small business owner possesses are more likely to determine the level of success. Abilities such as hard work, determination, persistence, intuition, tolerance and aggression can be the bedrock of success. But the road to success is not all slam wham bang for the entrepreneur. Small business owners invariably work longer and harder than employees. An employee works for wages and an adequate work performance is enough.

A small business owner is more likely to be on the job at first light, miss the coffee and dinner break and twelve hours later announce he has to finish off for the day because he has to go home and do the business accounting books that he started on Sunday. Determination and persistence go hand in glove with success. Every new business runs into problems at some time or reaches a stage where the business owner needs to be completely focused and stick with a strategy to make the plans work.

Things go wrong from time to time; its normal, determination and persistence are valuable qualities to see through these times. Aggression in forcing through a business plan may sometimes be the only viable option. Not physical violence but the heightened state of anxiety to push through the plan and make it work with controlled aggression and passion. On the other side of the coin there will be times when the small business owner has to exercise tolerance and just go with the flow.

Many small start up businesses go out of business within 2 to 3 years of starting a new business. A major cause is under capitalisation which basically means they run out of money. Liquidity is a major area of concern for every small business entrepreneur and a cautious approach to a new business can be of considerable value.

There is a strong tendency for a new business start up to borrow money and buy new equipment just to get started. Such businesses are taking a major risk the plans will work. Some plans do work but rarely it is a smooth path and a better option is to build the business and reinvest profits made.

A more cautious approach would be to start a new business without borrowing substantial funds because if the small business owner has the ability to make a success of the business and make money then they can usually do so without external funding and use the profits made to build the business in the future.

The sound reason for a small business or a start up business to borrow money is to already be showing a good financial performance and use extra funds to speed up future success while borrowing funds with no track record is a gamble and a gamble which fails only too often.

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Almost everybody worries about what will happen in the future. The prospect of not knowing if something good or bad will happen to you in the near future can produce a lot of fear and anxiety. As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on how to manage this fear of dealing with the unknown.

Remember that no one can predict the future with one hundred percent certainty. Even if the thing that you feared does happen there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. For instance, let’s say at your place of work that you miss the deadline for a project you have been working on for the last few months. Everything you feared is coming true. Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. Remember: we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

Learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. When the time comes, hopefully you will have learned the skills to deal with your situation.

Sometimes, we can get anxious over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind. For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that you’re playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes. Self-Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation and increase your self-confidence.

Remember take a deep breathe and try to find something to do to get your mind off of your anxieties and stresses. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper, watch TV, play on the computer or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. This will distract you from your current worries.

A lot of times, our worrying can make the problem even worse. All the worrying in the world will not change anything. All you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and when something does happen, take it in stride. If you still have trouble managing your anxiety of the future, then talking to a counselor or clergyman can be of great help.

There are ways to help manage your fear and all it takes is some effort to find those answers.

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“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill.

You have a problem. In order to solve it you’re going to need to make some changes. The thought of that is making you stressed, but the thought of leaving things as they are is even more stressful.

You want to make changes but you know that there are risks involved in doing so. Perhaps you’re thinking there’s someone who won’t approve or someone who may be upset. Maybe you’re wondering where you will find the time to make those much needed changes or you are telling yourself it’s not possible to improve the situation. Whatever you perceive as the risks involved in moving forward is making you anxious, and that is holding you back.

The first step in overcoming your challenge is to work out exactly what outcome you want.

Ask yourself:

In an ideal world how specifically do I want this situation to operate in the future?

The word ‘specifically’ is important here. Decide when you want the situation to have changed and then imagine yourself at that point in the future. Allow yourself to become immersed for a moment in that vision of the resolved issue. Write down now in detail and with clarity what will happen and what you will see, hear and feel when you have resolved this challenge.

The next step is to see this challenge in terms of who you are as a person.

Ask yourself:

Taking into consideration my personal and professional values; my work ethics; my peace of mind; my goals; – am I willing to continue to tolerate this situation as it is now?

Now ask:

What are the risks involved? What specifically am I anxious about? What is stopping me from sorting this out? Make a list.

Now one last question:

Is the outcome I want worth the risks involved in attaining it? If your answer is a resounding ‘Yes!’ then you can now start to work out your action plan to reach the goal.

Stress itself is not the problem. If you want growth and you want change then decide to tolerate the anxiety that will be inherent in it. As long as you continue to balance the risks involved against your desired outcome and who you are as a person your anxiety will begin to dissipate. Then instead of holding yourself back you will empower yourself to move forward.

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A few days ago I was working with a group of customer-service professionals. One of them, Hazel, was very nervous about a presentation she needed to make. Apart from making her very uncomfortable, her anxiety was limiting her fluency and her ability to think clearly.

It turned out that she felt the anxiety mainly in her stomach area – a severe case of the butterflies. I asked her to imagine taking the butterflies out in front of her body which she was able to do. The dialogue then went like this:

T: How are the butterflies moving?

H: In all directions.

T: If you were to see that the total movement is in one general direction, what would it be?

H: This way (indicating clockwise). T: OK. So they are moving clockwise at a certain speed. See if you can slow them down a little.

H: Yes, I can slow them down.

T: See if you can stop them moving.

H: (pause) Yes I can.

T: Great. Now see if you can get them to move the other way, anti-clockwise.

H: (pause) Yes.

T: How fast are they moving?

H: Quite slowly.

T: Now keep moving them anti-clockwise and make them faster – the same speed they were originally

H: OK – they are moving the same speed

T: Well done. Now put the butterflies back into the same place in your body

H: OK

T: How do you feel now?

H: It’s amazing! (She is obviously surprised) I feel great – not nervous at all!

As you may guess, Hazel went on to make an excellent presentation.

This technique is based on ‘spinning’ by Richard Bandler, one of the founders of NLP. As you can see, it is quick and easy to use. Here’s a summary:

1. Become aware of where the feeling is in your body

2. Imagine the feeling out in front of you at a comfortable distance

3. Check which way it is moving (it must be moving in some way otherwise you will no ability to feel it)

4. Slow the movement down

5. Now make the feeling move in the opposite direction

6. For extra effect, you can also change its colour to something more comfortable

7. When the feeling is moving at its original speed but still in the opposite direction, put it back into your body at the original location

You can have fun experimenting with ‘spinning’ by yourself or with a friend. Then when you need to use it on more pressing occasions, it will already be in your repertoire.

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The formula for shyness is “too much focus on the self” plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which ‘hijack’ your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn’t think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained

Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

1) Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

2) Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also ‘dilutes’ social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

3) Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a ‘yes’/’no’ response such as ‘What do you like about this place?’ rather than: ‘Do you like this place?’ Once they’ve answered use ‘add-on’ questions connected to the first such as: ‘What other places do you like in this city…?’ Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn’t ‘take’ then no matter, you’ve done your bit.

4) Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I’ve long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

5) Stop using ‘all or nothing’ thinking. The ‘completely this/completely that’ style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’; the depressed person feels like a ‘failure’ while others are a ‘success’. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the ‘wrong’ thing! Or that people will ‘hate’ you. Once you start to relax more socially you’ll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

6) Take your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t just blurt out what you think might be the ‘right’ answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

7) Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you’ll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy any more! This is what I call a ‘happy inability!’

I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.

Copyright © 2009 Uncommon Knowledge Ltd

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