“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” Richard Moss.
The ability to achieve rapport with anybody is an amazingly powerful skill to have. Rapport precedes influence.
When you have rapport with someone you can take the lead in the conversation. This is not to say you will be able to manipulate them. Any attempt at manipulation would rapidly lead to a breakdown in rapport. But you will more easily enable them to understand and buy into what you’re saying and why you’re saying it. Your ability to influence and persuade will be significantly increased and you will more easily be able to secure win-win outcomes.
You already know how to build rapport with another person. We all do it naturally with those we are close to or friendly with. The trick is to be able to do it with everyone even those with whom you ‘just aren’t on the same wavelength’ or ‘just don’t see things the same way’.
The next time you find yourself in a public place indulge in a bit of people watching. See if you can spot groups of people who are in rapport with one another and those who are not. You’ll notice that people who have rapport will mirror each other movements, posture and even breathing.
Another experiment is to try mirroring someone who is on their own. Take careful notice of how they are positioned, their posture, their facial expression, their breathing rate and emulate them. You will be amazed at what that tells you about how they are feeling or even what they are thinking. Of course you need to be subtle, you don’t want to upset anyone.
When you are talking with someone, mirroring is not just about body language, it also includes tone, volume and speed of speech.
Mirroring takes practice to get right. The most important thing is to avoid mimicry. If you make it obvious you will destroy rapport rather than create it.
The whole idea is to be able to see things from the other person’s side, to enter their world. When you achieve rapport they will feel that you understand them, that there is respect and trust.
You have to be flexible here. Flexibility is a cornerstone to excellent communication. You need to accept that others have a different view of the world from yours and that theirs is equally valid. You need to be interested in what that view is and in developing a common view.
When you meet with resistance in a colleague, team member or client, that is your cue to be flexible, gain rapport and establish common ground. Listen fully to what they are saying, understand what’s going on in their world.
When you have gained rapport try doing something different. Have a sip of your drink. If you’ve both been talking rapidly or loudly, slow or quieten it down. If you’ve both been leaning backwards, away from each other, lean forwards. If you are truly in rapport they will follow you. They will take a drink, slow or quieten their speech or lean forward.
Now you are leading the conversation. Now you can get to win-win.
? Emma Wortt of Em-powering Executives, 2009. All Rights Reserved. Em-powering Executives are specialists in the creation of outstanding leaders. They are the executive coaching and training experts in leadership skills development. To receive articles and information about our teleseminars, workshops,e-courses and 1:1 coaching, please subscribe to the FREE monthly Em-powering Executives newsletter at http://www.em-poweringexecutives.co.uk
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